Well, this Father's Day was a bit better than last year, still, it's not like it used to be. Let me explain. My biological father left when I was 2 weeks old. I had "visits" here an there as I got older, but they weren't that great. I found out recently, he passed over 20 years ago.
There was no father figure in my life other than my Grandfather and Uncles, but then again - I wasn't around them much either.
My mother remarried when I was 16 - whoopee - yeah, no. At the time, I despised this man. I couldn't wait to move out, I left as soon as I got out of high school.
He mellowed over the years and we began to get along. My mother developed polymyositis and I had to go to there place every weekend to help out. That is when him and I, bonded. His walking got harder for him and one day he decided it was too hard to walk - he sat down. That was the end of walking for him. He ended up in the hospital, they discovered he has diabetes and they had to take one of his legs. A few weeks later, the other leg. I went to the nursing home every day at lunch time - he hated the food. I would bring him things I knew he would like. We would chat and watch TV together. Sometimes, when my husband worked late, I would go back after work and sit with him for a while. He always had this painful look on his face when I said I had to get home.
Then one day, he gave up. He stopped taking his med's, stopped eating. I still went and this would be the only time he would eat, but I couldn't get him to take his med's. One morning the nurses found him unresponsive and he was taken to the hospital. He was fine for a couple of days. Talking and cutting up with the nurses. One minute he was laughing, the next...his heart stopped. They revived him several times - I got my mother to the hospital and 10 minutes later he was crashing again. I told her he wants to go, let him. So, a couple of days before my mothers and my birthday, at the age of 6 - he was gone. 2008. Even though our relationship was tumultuous, I miss him.
When I married at the ripe old age of 19, I had a father figure, my father-in-law. What a wonderful man, the dad I never had, I was in love. We enjoyed many of the same things, gadgets, tools, cameras, the list goes on. I learned a lot from him, I looked up to him, he was and I told him...my father. He passed on last year - May 23, 2009. My hear still aches, I want to hear him again, joke with him, and laugh.
So Father's Day for me... I really don't have any words to express it. I am happy for my children; they have a father, he is their biological father, he is their Dadoo. I made him a nice dinner tonight, but it's not the same while he is a father.. he's not mine.
If there is anyone reading my blog - I am sorry this was so long and depressing. I had to get this out.
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